Darkness can be so dark, one wife suffering through an abusive marriage. Oh...the ridicule, beatings both verbally and physically, all the days of loneliness, hurt, anger and pain. After one beating I was left and told to die.

My only choice was to build up a wall so high nobody could get in. It didn't work. With each new day the abuse would begin again and again. I wondered if others could feel so low, like dirt. Nothing was ever done right. Even in public it would be just another opportunity to be ridiculed as a wife. In the world you find solace in what the world does. So I became a secret drinker. I drank until the pain left or I could find some rest. But even in that it could not stop the pain. I could only wonder if other people could suffer so horribly. Friends understood but could give no advice.

Finally the barrel was empty and dry. I had nothing left to live for and felt no one understood or cared for my life. So it was decided that after my husband went to work that I would just take my life. It would be easy. Put my two children down for a nap and I would go to sleep with them and not wake up.

As a child in Sunday School I learned that God created all things for us to enjoy. That was the last thing I wanted to see... the creation outside that people hadn't botched up.

I am one who can testify to the miraculous power of God from the beginning. How He brought one sinner out of the darkness and pain and into the light of his presence and love. For as I looked out my North window to look at what God had created I noticed this white puffy cloud and from behind were golden rays shining like the sun. But wait! It was 2 PM and the sun should not have been in the north! Then I was astounded to see the most beautiful golden cross in front of the cloud and I heard the Lord speak to my heart for the very first time... "Don't do it Phyl" "Remember I love You!"

It was a short time later that I met a lady who came and spoke at our church named Sharon. No one had ever told me the salvation message. I was over-joyed. That Sunday I went back to the very bedroom where I was going to take my lfe to finally find life.

Another interaction with the Lord happened that day. For as I sat on the edge of the bed by the same window the Lord spoke to my heart again. Baptists are taught to pray with their hands together but I was impressed upon to hold my hands out and ask Him to forgive all my sins and ask Him to come into my life. Where there was one... now there would be two forever and ever.

As I prayed that prayer, with my eyes closed, hands touched my hands and a slight tingling like a wave flowed up both arms and I knew beyond a shadow of a dought that the living God had indeed come into my life. The Light came and to this day my life just keeps getting better and better as I am able to interact with the Living God through the Holy Spirit's presence in my life.

I pray you decide today to come out of your pain and darkness. Just believe Jesus died for your sins and invite his presence and love into your life. Where there was once one now there will be two. I can promise you as you walk with Him he will be by your side in all you do. Loving you and guiding you. Your life will be barnd new and will never be the same.


1 John 1:9 

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.